Intentional Friendships

Since Jason and I married relatively young in life, there was a time in the beginning of our marriage when we struggled to have friends with whom we could relate well. Most of our friends of similar age were unmarried and while we still enjoyed their friendship, there were many areas in which we could not relate.  During a difficult season in ministry, we both longed to have true friends with whom we could really share our hearts and souls.  We prayed for months, and then years to find “mentors” for ourselves— believers who were older than we were who could share spiritual wisdom and provide genuine fellowship outside of our church.

For me, God answered my prayer through my sweet friend Tina.  Tina was a member of the church where I grew up, and through my teenage years I spent some time with her family (she has a son who is slightly younger than I).  We had essentially lost contact after I got married and moved to Greenville, but God opened the doors for us to meet again at my parents’ 25^th wedding anniversary celebration back in 2007.  We randomly discussed how we were each taking vacation time after Christmas and when they asked us where we were going, we told them we weren’t sure  yet.  They invited us to join them on their adventure to Williamsburg, VA, and then on to the Outer Banks of NC.  Since we had never been to either place, we decided that it sounded like a wonderful idea and joined them for a week and a half vacation.

To make a long story short, that trip began a renewed friendship.  About a month after being at home, I called Tina to ask her to pray about becoming my mentor—simply a woman to speak truth into my life when I need it, pray for me, etc.  She called me a week or so later and told me that she although she didn’t consider herself to be the “mentor” type, she would love the opportunity to be my friend and my encourager, and promised to always speak wisdom into my life.  I had no idea at that time what an absolute treasure her friendship would become to me.

Since 2007, our families have vacationed together once or twice a year, every year. We go on amazing adventures, eat great good, play fun games, and just in general have an amazing time together. Sadly, those vacations are pretty much the only time I see Tina, since we live a couple of hours apart.  However, our phone conversations, the random cards we exchange, and the special occasions when we are able to meet up absolutely refresh my spirit.  Over the last several years, I have learned how rare it is to have a friend with whom you can be completely honest. All the time.  I can always count on her to offer wisdom and even correction when I need it.  She teaches me how to be a better wife, a better mother, and a better daughter. 

Tonight I had the opportunity to have a wonderful conversation with her, and I am just so thankful.  After months and months of sleep deprivation and a recent bout with a sinus infection that won’t give, piled up with several other stressful situations in life, I have been struggling to stay afloat and feel encouraged.  And, as those of you who have young children (or have had young children) know, when kiddos go to bed at 7 or 8 p.m., life can become a little monotonous as you sit at home every night. So, tonight, my hubby took care of the boys for several hours and allowed me some time out to drive, have some alone time, and spend an hour talking to my dear, dear friend.  What a blessing.

Now, most of you who are reading this probably have no desire to know this story about one of my precious friends. I share it, however, to share what I’ve learned about relationships.  Be intentional. Always be intentional.  Don’t wait for friends to seek you out. If you need someone to pour into your life, ask God to show you who that might be.  If you aren’t pouring into someone else’s life on a personal level, ask God to show you who that might be, too! I cannot tell you how much it means to me to have this lady in my life, along with several other faithful friends, and I am so, so thankful for the girls who are a little younger than I am who I am able to love on and encourage, too.  Relationships don’t just happen, and friendships that are full of drama and lacking in edification don’t really accomplish a whole lot.   So that’s it. If you have awesome friends in your life, praise God for them! Be intentional about your time with them. Build them up, encourage them constantly, and don’t forget to ask them how you can pray for them. You never know how much richer your life can be five years from now if you simply examine your friendships and boldly ask God to give you true friends!