Cale

My darling Cale,

            You aren’t old enough to read this yet, but I hope that one day you will stumble upon it and understand just a tiny part of what you mean to me.   Three years ago on this very day, God brought you into this world and into our lives.  Your smile, your beautiful eyes, and your laughter—your precious, precious laughter—have been blessing me every day since.  Your curiosity and adventurous spirit provide us with some interesting moments and days, but I wouldn’t trade them for anything.  You are a treasure. 

            I will never forget looking at the last doctor who told me I would never have children and saying, “Well, I guess if God wants me to have children, I will.”  We were so thankful when we learned that you were on the way.  We chose your name because of God’s goodness to us:  Cale (“one who is manly and strong”) and Jackson (“God is gracious”). It is our prayer that you will grow to be strong in the Lord.  God has shown me such a beautiful, unrelenting grace since He blessed me with you, baby.  There have been so many days in your short three years that I would have wanted to give up the fight, but the Lord reminded me of His goodness through you over and over again.  Though the years have been full of challenges, betrayals, moves (6 to date), and great loss, they have also been full of countless moments of absolute joy. 

            Cale, each night when we bow with you and pray at your bed, it isn’t so that we can feel good about a routine or checking something off the “to-do” list.  It is because we beseech our Father every single day to win your heart, to teach you what it means to be upright and blameless before Him, to take only paths that are firm, and to guard your heart above all else.  He is the wellspring of life.  That you would understand that is single-handedly the matter of greatest importance in our lives.  We love you because He loves us.  We only even understand love because of His great love for us.  Oh, Cale, I cannot wait for the day when you come to know Him personally, too.

            As we watch you grow and learn, we rejoice in who He has created you to be.  From your silly phrases (“You are killing me!” “I love you most!” “What in the world?”) to your made-up songs, you are a joy to watch.  Your bear hugs and your “mama kisses” and “daddy kisses” make our days.  Thank you for being you, sweet boy.  I cannot wait to see what story He has written for your life.     

Love,

Mama