This year, more than ever, God has directly and specifically challenged my heart on the issue of Christmas. I recently blogged about "waiting," and my passion for understanding this great challenge from God has only increased.
I was privileged to speak to a group of ladies at a Christmas dinner & cookie swap earlier this week. The message that I was burdened to share was about the "400 silent years" that existed between the close of the book of Malachi and the opening of the New Testament. While we have no record of prophesies or God speaking to man in any form during those years in history, we do know that He was at work.
Through my study of history, I was amazed at just how many prophesies were fulfilled during those 400 years of tumultuous history. Kingdoms were overthrown repeatedly, the title of "World Power" changed hands several times, and the Israelites were constantly in submission to authorities of other nations. The book of Daniel from the Old Testament is full of prophesies that were fulfilled to the smallest of detail during those years, and many of Israelites had surely almost lost hope.
In spite of the battles, persecution, and struggle through the years of silence, however, some great things happened as well. The Old Testament was translated from Hebrew to Greek for the first time. As Rome became the center of the "world" at that time, Greek became the national language. Thus, more people than ever had access to God's word. (70 scholars worked on this translation in Egypt; we know it today as the Septuagint).
Rome also put roads in places where they had never been, allowing trade to spread. People became more connected than they had ever been through the use of the Roman roads-- roads which were later critical for missionary journeys such as those of Paul and his companions.
During this time, the Maccabaeus family rose and was able to restore the temple in Jerusalem, which had been pillaged and destroyed by Antiochus Ephiphanes 2300 days earlier (one specific example of a prophesy from Daniel), and the Jewish people once again had a place to worship.
As Greek culture spread, the Hellenist (Jews who loved Greek culture) and the group who opposed them, separated themselves and became known as the Pharisees and the Sadducees.
Through all of these events and numerous others, God was setting the stage for the PERFECT time for the long-awaited Messiah! The Israelites had lived under the law for over 2,000 years. They had been captured, pillaged, and ruled by numerous peoples. When I even think about the weight of the burden they must have felt, I'm overwhelmed. To think of the longing in their hearts for a Savior makes me sick at my own complacently and complaining over trivial issues. They had no freedoms to live or woship as they chose, and yet we know that some of them still held on for the One who could save them.
Luke communicates the story so articulately. When the angel Gabriel came to Mary, he told her that she had found favor in God's eyes. Wow. That means that even though her people had lived generation after generation without the voice of God, she still believed. She still worshipped. She was still faithful. (Yet, sometimes I begin to waver after only waiting for a few months for something...)
As we know, the promised Messiah came. It happened just as God had said that it would. The wait was over, and the world was presented with our Savior. A Savior that you and I never even had to wait for. He's been freely and graciously given to us-- and yet we hesitate to give him Lordship in our lives.
These thoughts have led me to see Christmas completely differently this year. I realize that Jesus was not born on December 25th, and we don't actually plan on teaching Cale that this is Jesus' birthday (we'll celebrate it each year closer to the day that we believe historically could have been His birth). What we do plan on doing each Christmas, however, is teaching Cale and sharing with those around us that Christmas is about a fulfillment of the promises of God and the offer of Salvation to the world. For us, that means that this year, we focused more heavily on the needs of those "in need" than the wants of ourselves or even our family members. It means that instead of spending money on Christmas cards with sweet pictures of Cale, we designated that money to a family who couldn't do Christmas without help. More than that, though, it simply means that this year, as December flies by, we focus our hearts and thoughts on the One who came to die. We rejoice in His provision; we saturate ourselves with His truth.
My hope and prayer is that Cale will grow up understanding that we celebrate this truth all year long. We live by it. It is the very life that pumps through our veins. Nothing in this world holds meaning without it.
** I realize that my succint summation of those 400 years of history leaves out many details. I didn't want to write a post that would take hours to read. If anyone has any questions about those years, however, or what prophecies were fulfilled during that time, I would LOVE to give you a more detailed message privately. :)
Friday, December 17, 2010
Sunday, December 5, 2010
Waiting
Wait.
To even hear the word makes me cringe somewhat. I'm uncomfortable with waiting, as I'm sure many of you are, as well. As is true to God's nature, however, and His desire to see us constantly learn to be more dependent upon Him, I nearly always find myself waiting for something in life. The things that I'm waiting for today will most likely not be the same as whatever it is that I'm waiting for five years from now, but the emotion behind the waiting is what really matters. The fact is, when God challenges my heart in a certain area and causes me to wait for something that I so desperately long for, I often struggle with honoring Him in the waiting. I frequently seek to justify my impatience by telling God over and over again that what I'm longing for is something that I NEED. Something that will be for His glory. Something that will help us be a better testimony of His goodness.
I wonder if God laughs at these thoughts of mine. Seriously, who am I trying to convince? The God of the universe who loves me deeply enough to make me wait has declared that these things will serve a purpose. Romans 8 gives us a perfect summation: "The creation waits in eager expectation for the sons of God to be revealed. For the creation was subjected to frustration, not by its own choice, but by the will of the one who subjected it , in hope that the creation itself will be liberated from its bondage to decay and brought into the glorious freedom of the children of God. We know that the whole creation has been groaning as in the pains of childbirth right up to the present time. Not only so, but we ourselves, who have the firstfruits of the Spirit, groan inwardly as we wait for our adoption as sons, the redemption of our bodies. For in this hope we were saved. But hope that is seen is no hope at all. Who hopes for what he already has? But if we hope for what we do not yet have, we wait for it patiently. In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groans that words cannot express. And he who searches our hearts knows the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for the saints in accordance with God's will" (verses 19-27).
Wow. God intentionally subjects us to frustration. That could be a little hard to swallow if our focus is on our comfort, our self-centered lifestyles, or our "American dream." The part that follows blows me away, though! He does this so that we will be "liberated from our bondage to decay." We are in bondage to decay. We cannot be deceived about that! Without the Lord and His intentions for our life, we're nothing but bound by a slavery to sin that we can barely fathom. By His unmeasurable love, He chooses for us to suffer so that we understand what true Freedom is. Freedom is not something American. Freedom is found in Christ alone! (To be free to worship is a blessing; don't misunderstand me. Yet, day by day those freedoms are taken from us. We cannot be surprised by a government who chooses to take away our personal freedom when they fail to understand what true freedom is.)
The point of my rambling is this: I don't know what it is that you're waiting on tonight. It may be something small or trivial, but important to you, or it may be absolutely life-altering, as is the case with what I find myself waiting upon now. I will never be able to change the fact that I will always feel that I'm waiting on something. But, I can change my response to where God has me right now. Today. Not looking or begging for change, but trusting my God to fulfill what He has promised. Just as our pastor pointed out in today's message, Luke 1: 45 declares that Mary was blessed because she believed that God would fulfill His promise. After 400 years of silence, God spoke and declared that He was giving His Son to the world. 400 years of silence. Can you even imagine a world where God was silent for 400 years? I can't. I shudder to even think about Him remaining silent for a week.
He calls us to wait. He promises that when we do, we'll understand freedom. It's not an easy task, and it's one that I battle every day, but I'm trusting that God will deliver. Abram waited for a son. The Israelites waited to enter the promised land. Job waited for God to move. The world waited for a Savior. In every case, God delivered. He'll deliver you and me, too.
To even hear the word makes me cringe somewhat. I'm uncomfortable with waiting, as I'm sure many of you are, as well. As is true to God's nature, however, and His desire to see us constantly learn to be more dependent upon Him, I nearly always find myself waiting for something in life. The things that I'm waiting for today will most likely not be the same as whatever it is that I'm waiting for five years from now, but the emotion behind the waiting is what really matters. The fact is, when God challenges my heart in a certain area and causes me to wait for something that I so desperately long for, I often struggle with honoring Him in the waiting. I frequently seek to justify my impatience by telling God over and over again that what I'm longing for is something that I NEED. Something that will be for His glory. Something that will help us be a better testimony of His goodness.
I wonder if God laughs at these thoughts of mine. Seriously, who am I trying to convince? The God of the universe who loves me deeply enough to make me wait has declared that these things will serve a purpose. Romans 8 gives us a perfect summation: "The creation waits in eager expectation for the sons of God to be revealed. For the creation was subjected to frustration, not by its own choice, but by the will of the one who subjected it , in hope that the creation itself will be liberated from its bondage to decay and brought into the glorious freedom of the children of God. We know that the whole creation has been groaning as in the pains of childbirth right up to the present time. Not only so, but we ourselves, who have the firstfruits of the Spirit, groan inwardly as we wait for our adoption as sons, the redemption of our bodies. For in this hope we were saved. But hope that is seen is no hope at all. Who hopes for what he already has? But if we hope for what we do not yet have, we wait for it patiently. In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groans that words cannot express. And he who searches our hearts knows the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for the saints in accordance with God's will" (verses 19-27).
Wow. God intentionally subjects us to frustration. That could be a little hard to swallow if our focus is on our comfort, our self-centered lifestyles, or our "American dream." The part that follows blows me away, though! He does this so that we will be "liberated from our bondage to decay." We are in bondage to decay. We cannot be deceived about that! Without the Lord and His intentions for our life, we're nothing but bound by a slavery to sin that we can barely fathom. By His unmeasurable love, He chooses for us to suffer so that we understand what true Freedom is. Freedom is not something American. Freedom is found in Christ alone! (To be free to worship is a blessing; don't misunderstand me. Yet, day by day those freedoms are taken from us. We cannot be surprised by a government who chooses to take away our personal freedom when they fail to understand what true freedom is.)
The point of my rambling is this: I don't know what it is that you're waiting on tonight. It may be something small or trivial, but important to you, or it may be absolutely life-altering, as is the case with what I find myself waiting upon now. I will never be able to change the fact that I will always feel that I'm waiting on something. But, I can change my response to where God has me right now. Today. Not looking or begging for change, but trusting my God to fulfill what He has promised. Just as our pastor pointed out in today's message, Luke 1: 45 declares that Mary was blessed because she believed that God would fulfill His promise. After 400 years of silence, God spoke and declared that He was giving His Son to the world. 400 years of silence. Can you even imagine a world where God was silent for 400 years? I can't. I shudder to even think about Him remaining silent for a week.
He calls us to wait. He promises that when we do, we'll understand freedom. It's not an easy task, and it's one that I battle every day, but I'm trusting that God will deliver. Abram waited for a son. The Israelites waited to enter the promised land. Job waited for God to move. The world waited for a Savior. In every case, God delivered. He'll deliver you and me, too.
Friday, October 15, 2010
Sometimes, God speaks when I'm driving...
Last night, I went out to grab dinner and bring it home for Jason, Cale, and me. When I left, the weather was nice and I was simply on a mission to get dinner and get back home so that we could eat and begin the bath and bedtime routine with Cale for the night. My mind was racing with thoughts of what I had and had not accomplished that day, what I still needed to accomplish before bed, and what the coming weekend entailed. I'm ashamed to say that I was in no way striving to listen to God or hear His voice . I wasn't thinking about what I had been studying in my Bible or how to bring God glory through my day. No- I was much too occupied thinking about those things that affect me. Just me.
As I drove home, however, God simply grabbed my attention. I love it when He does that! I had turned the radio on but wasn't really listening to anything until an announcer came on to notify listeners of the severe thunderstorm warning for our county. As he did so, I looked in the direction of our house and noticed a few stray streaks of lightning. Suddenly, the sky fell open and the rain fell so heavily upon my windshield that I could barely see in front of my 4Runner. Normally, during times of intense rain such as that, I sit up straighter, squint to try to see the road, and just in general become a little stressed about the road not being visible. (I think this has something to do with our accident four years ago. Strange how one accident can permanently alter your view of safety in an automobile).
Last night, though, as the rain began to fall, I didn't feel any of the normal stress arise. Instead, I felt an overwhelming peace. The station's music resumed, and a song called "You Can Have Me" began to play. I've heard this song numerous times, and to be honest, my general distaste for "Christian pop" frequently keeps me from enjoying songs or gathering any real truth from them. (That's a note for another day, but I HATE shallow music that conveys certain thoughts to be truth that couldn't be further from the Truth.) For some reason, though, as the song began to play, I actually began to listen to the lyrics.
The song begins with "If I saw You on the street and You said 'Come and follow me' but I had to give up everything-- all I once held dear and all of my dreams-- would I love You enough or would my love run dry when You asked for my life?" I immediately began to think back to that night when I was 15 years-old, sitting in the sanctuary of a strange church listening to Adrian Despres preach a message about a blank contract with God. Those who know me well have probably heard me share my testimony about that night and what it began in my life. For those who haven't heard the story, the succint version is that Adrian spoke of an imaginary contract that exists between God and ourselves. Our natural inclination is to desire to fill out the contract with all of the things that we long for in life and expect God to sign it, agreeing to give us all of the things for which we ask. A more accurate picture of what God desires, however, is for US to sign the contract-- a blank one, in fact-- and allow Him to fill in those blanks as He desires. That means giving complete control to Him for all of life's circumstances.
As a 15 year-old, I clearly heard God speak and ask me to surrender my life choices to Him. At the time, I didn't know what that may or may not inclue, but I knew that I could trust Him. Along the way, however, I've become a little distracted, and I freely admit to wanting things for my life that God hasn't chosen. If I had the choice, I would have also left some things out that He chose to include. Sadly, I frequently find myself lamenting over some of the details that He has chosen for me-- perhaps not outwardly, but very much inwardly.
The last year has stretched me beyond my imagination. I've struggled with the myriads of adjustments I've had to make as we both resigned our jobs in NC and prepared to move to SC. As Jason began a new job, I had to get accustomed to staying at home (a wonderful blessing, but a challenge to get used to after working!), and find new doctors for my array of medical needs. The most pressing at the time was the fact that I was 8 months pregnant and needed to immediately find a new OB. Since my pregnancy was considered to be high-risk, it complicated the process a bit. At the time, we had moved in with Jason's parents due to our home in NC still being on the market (as it still is). So, I dealt with a lot of change in a little amount of time. I struggled greatly with missing friends and not having the opportunities to build new friendships as I adjusted to motherhood. I grieved the loss of having our own home and especially not having a "nursery" for Cale. Add to the plate a diagnosis of another autoimmune disease and the realization that I needed to have heart surgery, and I was left reeling. I really wanted to ask God what He was thinking. I really began to doubt my decision to say, "It's all up to You. Whatever You want for me, I freely accept."
All of that to say, even though I certainly haven't turned my back on God, if I'm honest with myself, I have to understand that I have doubted that He always does what's best. I know in the depths of my heart that He DOES always choose what is best, but there are many days that I battle feelings of betrayl over the things that hurt me.
So, back to the song. As I listened to the lyrics, I became conscious of the fact that even now, God still wants me to give those choices to Him-- to quit fighting and arguing and complaining about the parts of the story that I don't enjoy. He has a purpose for me, but greater than that, He has a purpose for His kingdom. I must get over "me" and refuse to get over Him. He has blessed me beyond measure. I have such an amazing husband who loves the Lord passionately and loves me with patience and grace beyond measure. I have a beautiful son who literally brings delight to all of my days. That's who I was driving home to through that terrible rain. A family that is mine because God loves me so much and has freely given to me what I do not deserve.
Who am I to question the goodness of God? What a wake-up call-- all in the silence that consumed me in the midst of the deafening storm. "When did love become unmoving? When did love become unconsuming? Forgetting what the world has told me; Father of love, You can have me. You can have me."
As I drove home, however, God simply grabbed my attention. I love it when He does that! I had turned the radio on but wasn't really listening to anything until an announcer came on to notify listeners of the severe thunderstorm warning for our county. As he did so, I looked in the direction of our house and noticed a few stray streaks of lightning. Suddenly, the sky fell open and the rain fell so heavily upon my windshield that I could barely see in front of my 4Runner. Normally, during times of intense rain such as that, I sit up straighter, squint to try to see the road, and just in general become a little stressed about the road not being visible. (I think this has something to do with our accident four years ago. Strange how one accident can permanently alter your view of safety in an automobile).
Last night, though, as the rain began to fall, I didn't feel any of the normal stress arise. Instead, I felt an overwhelming peace. The station's music resumed, and a song called "You Can Have Me" began to play. I've heard this song numerous times, and to be honest, my general distaste for "Christian pop" frequently keeps me from enjoying songs or gathering any real truth from them. (That's a note for another day, but I HATE shallow music that conveys certain thoughts to be truth that couldn't be further from the Truth.) For some reason, though, as the song began to play, I actually began to listen to the lyrics.
The song begins with "If I saw You on the street and You said 'Come and follow me' but I had to give up everything-- all I once held dear and all of my dreams-- would I love You enough or would my love run dry when You asked for my life?" I immediately began to think back to that night when I was 15 years-old, sitting in the sanctuary of a strange church listening to Adrian Despres preach a message about a blank contract with God. Those who know me well have probably heard me share my testimony about that night and what it began in my life. For those who haven't heard the story, the succint version is that Adrian spoke of an imaginary contract that exists between God and ourselves. Our natural inclination is to desire to fill out the contract with all of the things that we long for in life and expect God to sign it, agreeing to give us all of the things for which we ask. A more accurate picture of what God desires, however, is for US to sign the contract-- a blank one, in fact-- and allow Him to fill in those blanks as He desires. That means giving complete control to Him for all of life's circumstances.
As a 15 year-old, I clearly heard God speak and ask me to surrender my life choices to Him. At the time, I didn't know what that may or may not inclue, but I knew that I could trust Him. Along the way, however, I've become a little distracted, and I freely admit to wanting things for my life that God hasn't chosen. If I had the choice, I would have also left some things out that He chose to include. Sadly, I frequently find myself lamenting over some of the details that He has chosen for me-- perhaps not outwardly, but very much inwardly.
The last year has stretched me beyond my imagination. I've struggled with the myriads of adjustments I've had to make as we both resigned our jobs in NC and prepared to move to SC. As Jason began a new job, I had to get accustomed to staying at home (a wonderful blessing, but a challenge to get used to after working!), and find new doctors for my array of medical needs. The most pressing at the time was the fact that I was 8 months pregnant and needed to immediately find a new OB. Since my pregnancy was considered to be high-risk, it complicated the process a bit. At the time, we had moved in with Jason's parents due to our home in NC still being on the market (as it still is). So, I dealt with a lot of change in a little amount of time. I struggled greatly with missing friends and not having the opportunities to build new friendships as I adjusted to motherhood. I grieved the loss of having our own home and especially not having a "nursery" for Cale. Add to the plate a diagnosis of another autoimmune disease and the realization that I needed to have heart surgery, and I was left reeling. I really wanted to ask God what He was thinking. I really began to doubt my decision to say, "It's all up to You. Whatever You want for me, I freely accept."
All of that to say, even though I certainly haven't turned my back on God, if I'm honest with myself, I have to understand that I have doubted that He always does what's best. I know in the depths of my heart that He DOES always choose what is best, but there are many days that I battle feelings of betrayl over the things that hurt me.
So, back to the song. As I listened to the lyrics, I became conscious of the fact that even now, God still wants me to give those choices to Him-- to quit fighting and arguing and complaining about the parts of the story that I don't enjoy. He has a purpose for me, but greater than that, He has a purpose for His kingdom. I must get over "me" and refuse to get over Him. He has blessed me beyond measure. I have such an amazing husband who loves the Lord passionately and loves me with patience and grace beyond measure. I have a beautiful son who literally brings delight to all of my days. That's who I was driving home to through that terrible rain. A family that is mine because God loves me so much and has freely given to me what I do not deserve.
Who am I to question the goodness of God? What a wake-up call-- all in the silence that consumed me in the midst of the deafening storm. "When did love become unmoving? When did love become unconsuming? Forgetting what the world has told me; Father of love, You can have me. You can have me."
Saturday, September 25, 2010
Thoughts on Stillness
Since my surgery on the 16th, my life has been drastically slower. Those who know me best know that I don't do well with sitting still or resting. Unfortunately, I feel an almost constant need to be accomplishing something. God has challenged me over this issue for years, and I'm sad to say that I still struggle to find those times of silence and solitude-- at least times that last longer than a few moments each day.
With the constant assistance with Cale and the doctors' mandate to rest, I've been forced into these times of quiet. Not surprisingly, I've found that as I became still and silent, God began to open my eyes to some thoughts that have challenged my view on some fundamental beliefs that I've held onto, albeit not always consciously. These are not profound theological thoughts and are seemingly shallow on a surface level. Yet, for the place I find myself right now, they're applicable to me. So, I thought that I would share just a couple of those thoughts briefly, just in case they might be applicable to you, too.
The first thought that God hit me with this week is that He actually doesn't desire for me to be happy. He desires for me to be holy. This isn't an original thought; I do realize that. But that didn't stop me from hearing it almost audibly a few nights ago. I've begged God for a change in certain life circumstances, and He has chosen not to change them. He doesn't need for me to feel good, be happy, or enjoy everything about my life. He desires me for the say "Hallelujah" (literally, Praise Yahweh) in spite of circumstances that I may not like, and may in fact sometimes despise.
The second thought that He's brought to my attention is that our sin breaks His heart much more than our pain does. I love to find comfort in the fact that God hurts when I am hurting, but He has shifted my attention to the fact that sometimes, just sometimes, He actually rejoices when I'm struggling because He KNOWS that my pain will result in repentance and refinement. Don't misunderstand me; I'm not saying that God is joyful over our pain. What I am saying is that our Holy God loves us so deeply and so passionately that He always desires what is BEST for us, not what will temporarily satisfy our human longings for things/places/people--you fill in the blank-- that we don't actually need. He has challenged my definition of "need" to my very core over the last year. Did I need a nursery for Cale? Obviously not because God didn't work that out. Do we need the privacy of our own home right now? Obviously not because God hasn't provided that either. As a new mom, I battled with God over our own space and a place to decorate for my little man. I didn't need those things, though! God has provided amazing friends and family who have freely opened their doors to us while we wait for our house in NC to sell. That's what we needed: a place to reside. We didn't need anything beyond that.
Our God has every detail of the entire universe planned. I cannot fathom the magnitude of how the details of my very existence play into the story that He has written for eternity. He doesn't need me, and yet He chooses to love me and use me for His glory. That's what He's been reminding me. I cannot begin to give articulate the details of all the other things that He is bringing to my attention, but I am thankful that He has allowed me this time to be still, silent, and rest in His grace-- even if I've fought Him at almost every turn. ;)
With the constant assistance with Cale and the doctors' mandate to rest, I've been forced into these times of quiet. Not surprisingly, I've found that as I became still and silent, God began to open my eyes to some thoughts that have challenged my view on some fundamental beliefs that I've held onto, albeit not always consciously. These are not profound theological thoughts and are seemingly shallow on a surface level. Yet, for the place I find myself right now, they're applicable to me. So, I thought that I would share just a couple of those thoughts briefly, just in case they might be applicable to you, too.
The first thought that God hit me with this week is that He actually doesn't desire for me to be happy. He desires for me to be holy. This isn't an original thought; I do realize that. But that didn't stop me from hearing it almost audibly a few nights ago. I've begged God for a change in certain life circumstances, and He has chosen not to change them. He doesn't need for me to feel good, be happy, or enjoy everything about my life. He desires me for the say "Hallelujah" (literally, Praise Yahweh) in spite of circumstances that I may not like, and may in fact sometimes despise.
The second thought that He's brought to my attention is that our sin breaks His heart much more than our pain does. I love to find comfort in the fact that God hurts when I am hurting, but He has shifted my attention to the fact that sometimes, just sometimes, He actually rejoices when I'm struggling because He KNOWS that my pain will result in repentance and refinement. Don't misunderstand me; I'm not saying that God is joyful over our pain. What I am saying is that our Holy God loves us so deeply and so passionately that He always desires what is BEST for us, not what will temporarily satisfy our human longings for things/places/people--you fill in the blank-- that we don't actually need. He has challenged my definition of "need" to my very core over the last year. Did I need a nursery for Cale? Obviously not because God didn't work that out. Do we need the privacy of our own home right now? Obviously not because God hasn't provided that either. As a new mom, I battled with God over our own space and a place to decorate for my little man. I didn't need those things, though! God has provided amazing friends and family who have freely opened their doors to us while we wait for our house in NC to sell. That's what we needed: a place to reside. We didn't need anything beyond that.
Our God has every detail of the entire universe planned. I cannot fathom the magnitude of how the details of my very existence play into the story that He has written for eternity. He doesn't need me, and yet He chooses to love me and use me for His glory. That's what He's been reminding me. I cannot begin to give articulate the details of all the other things that He is bringing to my attention, but I am thankful that He has allowed me this time to be still, silent, and rest in His grace-- even if I've fought Him at almost every turn. ;)
Sunday, September 19, 2010
The Recovery
I'm sure that most of you have already heard that my heart procedure went smoothly, and I'm home recovering now. Since we're staying at Jason's parents' second home in the middle of the woods, we don't have access to the internet apart from on our Palms. I have a few moments with a wi-fi connection, so I'm going to do my best to give you all a more detailed, but succint update!
Throughout my stay at MUSC, I dealt with some normal and some not-so-normal complications. We faced a rather long delay for the procedure based on an emergency situation coming in, and then I had a couple of bad reactions-- one to a medication, the other to procedure they had to do to follow-up after the surgery. As I dealt with a team of between 25 and 30 doctors and nurses, I was blessed to have numerous opportunities to either demonstrate a frayed, anxious and demanding patient, OR a loving, patient, and calm patient. I was amazed at how many of the nurses and doctors commented on my peaceful and patient nature throughout the stay. I actually questioned several of them on the matter, and they remarked that many patients are agitated and difficult to treat. I was thankful that God allowed me to stay calm and continue to trust Him during some rather iffy situations! He is always faithful to take care of our every need, and simultaneously provide opportunities to show His love to those who surround us.
As I now face a 2 week recovery period during which my activity is extremely limited, I again have to rely on my Father to help me. I am accustomed to constantly being on the go, taking care of Cale, cleaning, cooking, and just being active in general. Now, something as simple as a 10 minute walk leaves me dizzy and exhausted! I look forward to gaining strength and adjusting to my medications as the days pass. I will re-visit Charleston on November 3rd for my first follow-up appointment with my surgeon. We expect no complications to arise, but I am thankful for your continued prayers as my body learns to accept this "new part" of my heart!
Throughout my stay at MUSC, I dealt with some normal and some not-so-normal complications. We faced a rather long delay for the procedure based on an emergency situation coming in, and then I had a couple of bad reactions-- one to a medication, the other to procedure they had to do to follow-up after the surgery. As I dealt with a team of between 25 and 30 doctors and nurses, I was blessed to have numerous opportunities to either demonstrate a frayed, anxious and demanding patient, OR a loving, patient, and calm patient. I was amazed at how many of the nurses and doctors commented on my peaceful and patient nature throughout the stay. I actually questioned several of them on the matter, and they remarked that many patients are agitated and difficult to treat. I was thankful that God allowed me to stay calm and continue to trust Him during some rather iffy situations! He is always faithful to take care of our every need, and simultaneously provide opportunities to show His love to those who surround us.
As I now face a 2 week recovery period during which my activity is extremely limited, I again have to rely on my Father to help me. I am accustomed to constantly being on the go, taking care of Cale, cleaning, cooking, and just being active in general. Now, something as simple as a 10 minute walk leaves me dizzy and exhausted! I look forward to gaining strength and adjusting to my medications as the days pass. I will re-visit Charleston on November 3rd for my first follow-up appointment with my surgeon. We expect no complications to arise, but I am thankful for your continued prayers as my body learns to accept this "new part" of my heart!
Wednesday, September 15, 2010
Blogging and Heart Surgery
I've spent the last several weeks thinking about the need to create a blog. Unfortunately, I had NO idea how much time it would require to simply create the thing and make it look like I want it to! So, for now, I'm putting up a terribly uncreative version to provide a way to keep everyone up-to-date on my upcoming heart surgery! I'll customize as time allows over the coming weeks, but for now at least it will serve an informational purpose!
Tomorrow, (Thurs. Sept 16) Jason and I will head to MUSC for my appointment to have my ASD closed. I've known about the Atrial Septal Defect since I was thirteen, and God has made it evident that it's time to have it closed! While the hole hasn't caused me too much trouble over the recent years, my pregnancy made the hole large enough to necessitate the closure procedure. I anticipate the surgery being a smooth procedure, hopefully with no complications and a quick recovery! The most difficult part for me will be the 2-week post-surgery "lifting restriction" that will not allow me to lift my little man, Cale. I love spending my days playing with Cale, and it will be difficult for me to not be able to play with him as actively as I usually do. Thankfully, my mom and Jason's will switch off on shifts to assist us with Cale's every need!
My hope is that during the hours following surgery, I will be lucid enough to post to the blog and let everyone know how the procedure went and how recovery is progressing! I have been encouraged beyond measure over the last several weeks by the numerous calls, texts, FB messages, and cards from family and friends reminding me that they are praying for me! I truly appreciate every one of you! I know that the Lord has every detail of this surgery and recovery period planned, and I look forward to seeing what He teaches me through the experience, in spite of the difficulties that I may face. God has continually used this heart defect over the last 12 years of my life to remind me to be constantly dependant on His grace, His strength, and His provision. So, tomorrow will be no different. I will rely on Him to shelter me.
I titled the blog "Abundant Skies" from a line in one of my favorite songs "Learning to Breathe" by Switchfoot. The entire line reads "I'm dying to breathe in these abundant skies." The Father is consistently working in my life to show me that He always has greater plans than I anticipate for myself. Sometimes those plans include difficult situations, and I'm not afraid to admit that I frequently fight the desire to be refined. Yet, I've found that if I simply trust Him, He will always show me how to breathe in the abundance of what He is doing. It doesn't always seem like abundance to me; many times it feels more like trudging through a pit of deep mud that bogs me down. BUT, He promises us abundant life, and when I view my circumstances through the lens of His purposes, I realize that an abundant life is exactly what He has given me. This is all for His glory, and He will be made greater in my times of absolute weakness.
"Trust" as defined in the original Hebrew from Proverbs 3:5-6 ("Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding...") means to physically rely upon. That's what tomorrow is all about for me. Physically relying upon the One who created me to make me a little more whole through this procedure! That's what we're trusting Him for, and I appreciate all of you who are joining with us in praying to that end!
I look forward to keeping you updated on how He answers!
Tomorrow, (Thurs. Sept 16) Jason and I will head to MUSC for my appointment to have my ASD closed. I've known about the Atrial Septal Defect since I was thirteen, and God has made it evident that it's time to have it closed! While the hole hasn't caused me too much trouble over the recent years, my pregnancy made the hole large enough to necessitate the closure procedure. I anticipate the surgery being a smooth procedure, hopefully with no complications and a quick recovery! The most difficult part for me will be the 2-week post-surgery "lifting restriction" that will not allow me to lift my little man, Cale. I love spending my days playing with Cale, and it will be difficult for me to not be able to play with him as actively as I usually do. Thankfully, my mom and Jason's will switch off on shifts to assist us with Cale's every need!
My hope is that during the hours following surgery, I will be lucid enough to post to the blog and let everyone know how the procedure went and how recovery is progressing! I have been encouraged beyond measure over the last several weeks by the numerous calls, texts, FB messages, and cards from family and friends reminding me that they are praying for me! I truly appreciate every one of you! I know that the Lord has every detail of this surgery and recovery period planned, and I look forward to seeing what He teaches me through the experience, in spite of the difficulties that I may face. God has continually used this heart defect over the last 12 years of my life to remind me to be constantly dependant on His grace, His strength, and His provision. So, tomorrow will be no different. I will rely on Him to shelter me.
I titled the blog "Abundant Skies" from a line in one of my favorite songs "Learning to Breathe" by Switchfoot. The entire line reads "I'm dying to breathe in these abundant skies." The Father is consistently working in my life to show me that He always has greater plans than I anticipate for myself. Sometimes those plans include difficult situations, and I'm not afraid to admit that I frequently fight the desire to be refined. Yet, I've found that if I simply trust Him, He will always show me how to breathe in the abundance of what He is doing. It doesn't always seem like abundance to me; many times it feels more like trudging through a pit of deep mud that bogs me down. BUT, He promises us abundant life, and when I view my circumstances through the lens of His purposes, I realize that an abundant life is exactly what He has given me. This is all for His glory, and He will be made greater in my times of absolute weakness.
"Trust" as defined in the original Hebrew from Proverbs 3:5-6 ("Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding...") means to physically rely upon. That's what tomorrow is all about for me. Physically relying upon the One who created me to make me a little more whole through this procedure! That's what we're trusting Him for, and I appreciate all of you who are joining with us in praying to that end!
I look forward to keeping you updated on how He answers!
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